The Hills Have Thighs

Ya know how you get used to a view and then notice when something is out of place?
Well, I was sitting in my throne room having my morning meditations when I noticed that the rock wall next to the forest across the yard was strangely out of place. Some of the large roundish rocks were offset from the rest of the wall. Very strange indeed. On a second inspection I could see that they were in fact moving. The rocks had legs and were feeding on something under the snow.
Oh, it's just the wild turkey! Not the booze, but the actual wild turkey that frequent my land.
Perhaps word of the Thanksgiving outdoor turkey bake has made the rounds and they are circling me to exact their revenge. An interesting thought to start the day with all the same.
The War of the Woods. Haha!
But that's not what I planned on talking about today.

I want to tell you about a headless deer, a four pointed star, and a big ball of light.
I am so mad at my unsuccessful attempts to get into the Christmas spirit this year.
I tried to put lights on the tree in my yard.
I had several boxes of brand new lights and had ran the extension cord across the yard to the tree and begun hanging the lights with the utmost care. I know these things are delicate. I am just about done with the operation when half of the lights on every section went off. I tried jiggling them, then shaking them, then as a finale, I just started tearing at them and ripping them from the tree. I am not going to do the change each little twinkley light bulb one at a time thing to look for the weak link! I don't have that kind of patience any more. Not for a two dollar string of lights. But why would they sell these things in the first place if every string is gonna die that soon? Some kind of anti commercialism conspiracy?
I know I'm not the only one that suffers with this curse.
Driving home from work at night I see everyone's yard decorations lit up and among them is the star on a roof with only four of the five stars lit, and the wire frame deer in another yard that are lit up, except for the head on one of them. And just last night when getting home, the lights string hung around my outside door lost half of it's lights.
That brings us up to the big ball of dead Christmas lights in my wood shed...
and it's growing bigger every day.
While I'm on a rant, I'm sick of Christmas music too!
Every jock that gets on the radio this week for their four hours of fame think that they are going to have the definitive Christmas show. Sure it's only four hours to them, but it's a full week of non stop sap for me!
STOP THE INSANITY!

Ok, ok, I know I'm sounding like a humbug, and I don't even know what a humbug is.
I don't hate Christmas. In fact I did all of my shopping on-line a week before Thanksgiving.
Of course, nothing has arrived yet, so how is that going to make me look to my friends!
And, how's this for timing, the pump to my well burned up yesterday. Now, I've got no water!
I need a good session with Ebenezer Scrooge and his three ghosts to get me back on track.

What I do have is a warm house, a cat that loves me and a spiral ham for Christmas. (God bless the slinky pig that gave it's life for my eating pleasure.)
I think I'm going with no Christmas lights this year and hope that that's the worst that'll go wrong.

There, I've vented. I feel better.
Happy Christmas to you from your friends here on Planet Dandy!

As a footnote, the plumber was just here and he's gotta replace my pump. The good news is that it will be done before I get home from work tonight. So, I guess things are looking up. And since I can't take my shower this morning I didn't cut into my schedule by writing this.