Friday, December 23, 2005

The Hills Have Thighs

Ya know how you get used to a view and then notice when something is out of place?
Well, I was sitting in my throne room having my morning meditations when I noticed that the rock wall next to the forest across the yard was strangely out of place. Some of the large roundish rocks were offset from the rest of the wall. Very strange indeed. On a second inspection I could see that they were in fact moving. The rocks had legs and were feeding on something under the snow.
Oh, it's just the wild turkey! Not the booze, but the actual wild turkey that frequent my land.
Perhaps word of the Thanksgiving outdoor turkey bake has made the rounds and they are circling me to exact their revenge. An interesting thought to start the day with all the same.
The War of the Woods.
Haha!
But that's not what I planned on talking about today.

I want to tell you about a headless deer, a four pointed star, and a big ball of light.
I am so mad at my unsuccessful attempts to get into the Christmas spirit this year.
I tried to put lights on the tree in my yard.
I had several boxes of brand new lights and had ran the extension cord across the yard to the tree and begun hanging the lights with the utmost care. I know these things are delicate. I am just about done with the operation when half of the lights on every section went off. I tried jiggling them, then shaking them, then as a finale, I just started tearing at them and ripping them from the tree. I am not going to do the change each little twinkley light bulb one at a time thing to look for the weak link! I don't have that kind of patience any more. Not for a two dollar string of lights. But why would they sell these things in the first place if every string is gonna die that soon? Some kind of anti commercialism conspiracy?
I know I'm not the only one that suffers with this curse.
Driving home from work at night I see everyone's yard decorations lit up and among them is the star on a roof with only four of the five stars lit, and the wire frame deer in another yard that are lit up, except for the head on one of them. And just last night when getting home, the lights string hung around my outside door lost half of it's lights.
That brings us up to the big ball of dead Christmas lights in my wood shed...
and it's growing bigger every day.
While I'm on a rant, I'm sick of Christmas music too!
Every jock that gets on the radio this week for their four hours of fame think that they are going to have the definitive Christmas show. Sure it's only four hours to them, but it's a full week of non stop sap for me!
STOP THE INSANITY!

Ok, ok, I know I'm sounding like a humbug, and I don't even know what a humbug is.
I don't hate Christmas. In fact I did all of my shopping on-line a week before Thanksgiving.
Of course, nothing has arrived yet, so how is that going to make me look to my friends!
And, how's this for timing, the pump to my well burned up yesterday. Now, I've got no water!
I need a good session with Ebenezer Scrooge and his three ghosts to get me back on track.

What I do have is a warm house, a cat that loves me and a spiral ham for Christmas. (God bless the slinky pig that gave it's life for my eating pleasure.)
I think I'm going with no Christmas lights this year and hope that that's the worst that'll go wrong.

There, I've vented. I feel better.
Happy Christmas to you from your friends here on Planet Dandy!

As a footnote, the plumber was just here and he's gotta replace my pump. The good news is that it will be done before I get home from work tonight. So, I guess things are looking up. And since I can't take my shower this morning I didn't cut into my schedule by writing this.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Isolation

Life is getting to me lately.
Not life in general, just life specifically in the world around me.
Actually,
just a couple little teenie things.
So...
I'm going to build a fort in my living room.
A cool fort made of blankets draped over chairs.
I could crawl inside and no one could find me.
A stack of comic books. A bottle of Orange Crush and a flashlight. A party of one!
The people that want to tell me what to do and when to do it won't be able to.
Maybe if I could be invisible. That would be cool too! Just to disappear for a while.
Or... I could just unplug the phone.
Oh bother!
Life.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Remember

It's 10 degrees outside today, here in Maine.
I wonder how cold it was 25 years ago on this day in New York City?
As cold as a killers heart? I doubt it.
Back then I lived in Northern Michigan. I remember cleaning the snow off my car while warming it up for my drive to a neighboring town where my job was. It was late. I worked the graveyard shift in a factory.
I remember turning the car radio on and hearing the news bulletin.
A life altering event had occured tonight, one that was about to grip and unite the world in sadness.

"John Lennon was shot dead tonight in front of his New York City apartment."


I remember turning my car off and going back into the housed in shock and calling in sick.
I would not be going to work this night. I was sick to my stomach. Paralyzed in disbelief.
I lost a hero. The world lost a friend. How could this be?
Just typing this brings tears to my eyes. Why do I feel so connected?
It's been 25 years since he died, but it seems like a day.
John and I go back even further.
My first Beatles album was Sgt. Pepper. I was about 12 years old and it was like a great story book to me. I would listen to every word and in my mind I would see this whole movie playing.
It was more than music to me.
That was just the beginning of course, later I would follow all of the Beatles activities in the news, collecting articles from newspapers and magazines. I would spend hours reading their lyrics and trying to analyze each song, looking up every word and British slang that I didn't understand. It was only later, around the time of the break up, that I went back to Beatlemania and caught up with their entire history.
There was no video then, so I would put a cassette recorder in front of the television set so I could record John Lennon on the Tom Snyder Show, or record the news when Paul McCartney got busted taking marijuana into Japan. And then the night when every channel had special news reports on the death of the Beatle.
I guess my point here is that I grew up with Lennon. It was all very personal to me. The Beatles were the soundtrack to my life so far.
I still have a trunk full of books, newspapers, magazines, rare vinyl, and memories of the Fab Four.
From John, In His Own Write, to Yoko's Grapefruit.
Two Virgins, and The Wedding Album."
Headlines like, "John and Yoko attend the Watergate Hearings."
And from the N.Y.Post, "John Lennon Shot Dead."
I don't really know where I want to go with this story unless it's just to say that I remember.
My tears are real.
And though it makes me sad, I remember the happiness.
I remember the controversy of his honesty.
I remember believing that "All You Need Is Love."
I will continue to believe, and I will always remember.
I will remember someone who had the world at his finger tips and all he asked for was that we... "Give Peace A chance."

New York Post

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Don't Be That Guy!

Last night whilst shopping at the local Piggley Dixie Shopping Center on my way home from work...

All I needed was some cat food, butter, and eggs.
What I ended up getting was a bird feeder and a big bag of bird seed as well. This felt like under 8 items until I started putting the 20 cans of cat food on the counter of the express lane.
Beep...beep...beep...beep... (you know the sound of the scanner and a slow cashier)
Meanwhile the line behind me is growing. People with 2 or 3 items.
This wouldn't be too bad except when my total is coming up at $21.95 and I am finding that I only have 11 dollars in my wallet. I know that I had at least 35 dollars when I left the house this morning.
I start digging thru the pockets of my leather jacket pulling out handfuls of change mixed with hair ties and paper clips. The line behind me looks inpatient. That's when I realize...
I'm That Guy!
I'm the customer in the express lane with too many items and unable to make a speedy transaction.
Usually, I am behind that person. Holding one item and in a hurry.
So anyway, as I'm counting coins and approaching around 16 dollars, A hero appears!
An off duty cop that rents movies from me at my video store.
He offers to write a check for the amount that I'm short.
"To Protect and To Serve"
Me, being embarrassed at being That Guy, accept his offer without hesitation.
With him writing a check and me sorting change, at least there are two of us holding up the line now. I feel a little safer from the mob. (not to mention that I knew he was packing a .45 in his coat.)
Now I never meant to be That Guy. I'm never short of cash. I just forgot to restock my wallet.
When I got outside to my truck I found three 20 dollar bills that were tucked in my ash tray for fast food emergencies. Also three 50 dollar bills in my backpack from a recent bank withdrawal, and at least 15 dollars in quarters in a bag for toll booths and such.
I ain't poor, I'm just stoopid. And once in a while...I'm That Guy!
And the cop?
He was one of the people in line behind me.
I love this town!