Fa La, La La, Lush

Dear Diary.
Why does it seem that the less that I do, the more I can find to write about?
As of late, I have been too busy having fun, therefore, finding less time to write about it all.
Well, this may make me late for work but let me tell you about my Christmas.
It was good.
I cooked a turkey with potatoes and gravy and all the usual side dishes, including candied sweet potatoes.
This was almost a disaster when I woke up early with a hangover and the oven wouldn't light. After some frustration and a few cuss words, I remedied that problem by pouring hot water over the gas tank outside in case something was frozen up. I was grasping for straws with that one, but I was desperate, and it worked!
I moved on to some Jack Daniels and egg nog for breakfast, then rest of the day went smooth.
To complete the Christmas atmosphere, I set out trays of nuts, and cheese and crackers.
Fortunately my friend, D-Mac, showed up to spend the holiday with me and help consume it all.
Between eating and drinking,we filled any empty space in the weekend by watching all of the next weeks new release videos and playing on the computer.
Unfortunately, there was no snow. Not even a cloud in the sky, and if you know me, you know how much I love a nasty day.
Oh well. Come Monday morning, when I had to travel down the mountain and to the village, there was snow a plenty.
Now the New Years weekend is almost upon us and I hope for an equally entertaining time.
Let the cocktails flow!
I still have a cheeselog.

Makin' Bacon

For lack of anything philosophical to share, I give you this.
While cooking breakfast this morning, I began to wonder. ..
If bacon grease is so flammable, why haven't I heard reports of pigs randomly bursting into flames?
Is that why they roll in the cool mud?

Why Be Normal

One fine day while applying a bumper sticker to my van...
The bumper sticker read, WHY BE NORMAL, so naturally, I was applying it upside down for maximum effect.
An elderly woman that was watching from the passenger seat of another nearby vehicle called me over to her.
"Young man", she said, "People have told me that all I need is the letter "L", and I could be NORMAL."
Then she smiled and said, "My name is Norma."

DIMEBAG

Still in Shock.What the Fuck? Dammit!!

Dime is Dead. Long live the Dime. R.I.P. 

Onomatopoeia

Ring, Ring...
I'm watching the telly a couple nights ago and the phone rings. I let the machine take the message.
It's this guy that I haven't seen in almost 11 years.
I get a little anxious because the last time I saw him, he loaned me 500 bucks.
He calls again a few minutes later, this time no message.
After a few minutes of nervous pacing, I decide to call him back and get it out of the way.
"Hey! This is Jim, returning your call."
As it turns out, he is just drinking and dialing old friends, trying to stay in touch. He told me that he had always enjoyed my happy go lucky attitude about life, and my laughable observations on the otherwise mundane.
I don't even think he remembered loaning me the money.
He always boasted that he had a fat wallet and liked to pay for the dinner or drinks.
An authentic Mr. Nice Guy.

A little back-story here...
We had sailed together as part of a 10 person crew aboard a schooner traversing from Camden Maine to Key West Florida, and visa versa. Many good times were had.
At the end of the last voyage, I was to take a train back down to Florida to pick up my van and drive it back to Maine.
I was not fully confident that the van was worthy of the trip, hence, his generous loan of emergency fundage.

Back to the phone call...
I reminded him that the last time we seen each other, he had said, "I'll probably never see you again but, would you like to borrow 500 dollars?" And, of course, I said, "Sure."
Now, it's eleven years later.
We reminisce and catch up.
Then he says, "I sold my business for 20 million dollars.
Do you need some more money?"
I say, "nah, I'm good."
I mean, who doesn't need some more money?!
Do you think he will interpret my "nah, I'm good",
as "Well, Hell yeah!!!!!"?
Am I just stupid?

I gave him my mailing address...
just in case!

Bling, Bling!

Klaatu Verada Niktu

Yesterday was the most outstandingly, beautiful, drizzly, blustery day...
and I had to work!
Today is my day off, and that damned flaming glob in the sky won't leave me alone!
It's sucking my soul right out of me and bleeding me dry. I can't escape from it!
FUCK!
It was grey for a few minutes and I thought it might actually be turning into a decent day, so I came to the computer to blog a fresh idea that I had.
As soon as I'm logged on, I am blasted by an endless beam of blazing hell fire from above!
I can't even remember what I was going to blog about!
If only I had a magic spell to make it dark and rainy on my command.
"ETERNUS NOCTOURNUM"
???
Well... That didn't work.
I'll just have to come back later when my flesh isn't melting. Sorry to have wasted your time with my personal problems like this.
fuck!