GWAR AM I ?

A friend and I went to a GWAR concert last night in Portland Maine.
On the way, I some how passed the city and got lost. I do that every now and then. At least going to Portland, I do.
They should install a bright light there so it looks like a city or something. One mile out of the way, and you're in the woods again with no point of reference.
Having been thru this before, I jumped on the first exit available.
On previous trips to the dark city, I found the exits to be scarce when you need them, and taking an exit doesn't necessarily tell you where you are.
My sense of direction failed me, and not wanting to drive for half an hour in the wrong direction (again), I stopped at the first open business I saw. One lonely pizza shop on a dark neighborhood street.
I pulled my truck up to the front door and could plainly see an elderly woman, alone in the store, watching us walk in. In an effort to keep it polite and simple, I said, "I am lost, Which way is it to downtown Portland?" This woman looks at me and says,"Which way are you going?"In a split second, my quick wit supplied me with several sarcastic answers. Among them, "The WRONG" way, obviously!"Looking over my shoulder to the front door, then back at the nice lady gave me the time to quell any such comments and simply say, "Whichever way you tell me to go, dear."Pointing, she says, "Go that way till you come to a traffic light, turn left, and it will take you straight to downtown Portland."My buddy asks her if she has a bathroom.She says, "no." We say, "thanks."Two blocks after the left turn at the traffic light, we came to a "T" in the road and had to choose left or right."Straight to Portland, My Ass!"We decided that she probably DID have a bathroom!We chose left, and made it to the concert.The GWAR show defies description. It falls somewhere between "Kill Bill volume one", and "Dead Alive"(final scene).Non stop blood and multicolored bodily fluids pumped and sprayed at the audience full force, for an hour and a half.When the show was over, Every inch of our skin was wicked-witch green, with streaks of red and blotches of blue.Stopping for gas on the way home proved fun as well.(Remember, we're in Maine.)This time, it's was an elderly man, running the gas station alone in the middle of nowhere at 1:00 am. He has a curious stare as we walk in. I attempt humor with, "So, You get many colored folks around here?"No response.Oh, well.We had fun.In retrospect...It doesn't really matter where you are going. Getting there can be half of the fun.It's all good...on Planet Dandy!