My refrigerator is haunted.
This morning when I opened the door it threw an egg at me. I don't know how it even got out of the carton, let alone fly through the air at me.
I had to clean it up off the floor.
The second time I opened the door, all of the condiments on the top shelf in the door jumped out at me. Nothing broke but I had to pick them all up from the floor too.
The third time I opened the door, all of the condiments from the bottom shelf in the door did the suicide jump.
What the hell is going on here?
Do I need an exorcist?
Maybe a human sacrifice.
What does it want?
I know what it doesn't want. It doesn't want that dried up tuna sandwich in the back corner, or those shriveled up lime wedges leftover from Cinco de Mayo. And I think I've established that it doesn't want my variety of hot sauces and mustards. But, now that I think about it, every week I stock it up with quality beer and that always seems to disappear! So, since today is Friday, maybe it's a little anxious for the weekly offering. I don't know.
What I do know for sure is this. I was so eager to report this event as it was happening that while preparing my breakfast simultaneously, I burnt my bacon!
Black.
Damn.
To hell with the fridge, I gotta finish breakfast. Bring on the hot sauce!
First breakfast, then I shall do battle with the Ice Box from Hell!
Never a dull moment.
Boogie Chillin'...on Planet Dandy.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
A Quick One, Before I'm Away
Well, this is one of those blogger posts where I start out with absolutely no idea of what I'm going to write about. It's just that I only have about 15 minutes before I have to leave to go to work. Therefore, I am making myself type this little quickie, just so I can feel a little less guilty about leaving my adoring public hanging.
"What's up on Planet Dandy?"
"Where's the next exciting story from your checkered past?"
(I can hear the cries of the internet blog readers in my head.)
"Dandy, Talk To Us!"
(O.K., I may be just a little bit full of myself here.)
But Hey, it's summer! I am on a vacation from myself!
I got nuthin' to say today!
I do however feel a small bit of responsibility (at least to myself) to post at least this much once a week.
If even only to say... that, "I got nuthin' to say."
There, I said it.
I feel so cheap!
Was it good for you?
"What's up on Planet Dandy?"
"Where's the next exciting story from your checkered past?"
(I can hear the cries of the internet blog readers in my head.)
"Dandy, Talk To Us!"
(O.K., I may be just a little bit full of myself here.)
But Hey, it's summer! I am on a vacation from myself!
I got nuthin' to say today!
I do however feel a small bit of responsibility (at least to myself) to post at least this much once a week.
If even only to say... that, "I got nuthin' to say."
There, I said it.
I feel so cheap!
Was it good for you?
Monday, August 08, 2005
WONDERFUL
I went to a Circle Jerks show at a small club in San Diego back in 1989. To avoid the mosh pit and still enjoy the show up close, I sat on the edge of the stage. When I heard the bass line intro for the song 15 Minutes, I yelled "15 Seconds!"
Kieth Morris, the singer, looked at me and said, "It's 15 Minutes, man!"
Oops, my bad.
At some other point, another fan handed Keith a quarter. Between the next few songs he would pull the quarter out of his pocket and flip it a couple of times saying, "I've got a quarter." Then he would put it back in his pocket.
So, I got an idea.
While he was singing in front of me I handed him a dollar and he put it in his pocket.
Then, after the next song, he pulled the dollar out of his pocket and said, "I don't need a dollar, man. I've got a quarter." And he handed the dollar back to me.
At the end of the show I got to shake hands with each of the band members as they left the stage.
I was in heaven that night.
The Circle Jerks were my favorite band back in those days and I still love them.
I even have a tattoo of their skank man logo on my leg.
I still have the dollar, too.
I wonder, though, does he still have the quarter?
Kieth Morris, the singer, looked at me and said, "It's 15 Minutes, man!"
Oops, my bad.
At some other point, another fan handed Keith a quarter. Between the next few songs he would pull the quarter out of his pocket and flip it a couple of times saying, "I've got a quarter." Then he would put it back in his pocket.
So, I got an idea.
While he was singing in front of me I handed him a dollar and he put it in his pocket.
Then, after the next song, he pulled the dollar out of his pocket and said, "I don't need a dollar, man. I've got a quarter." And he handed the dollar back to me.
At the end of the show I got to shake hands with each of the band members as they left the stage.
I was in heaven that night.
The Circle Jerks were my favorite band back in those days and I still love them.
I even have a tattoo of their skank man logo on my leg.
I still have the dollar, too.
I wonder, though, does he still have the quarter?
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Breakdowns
To begin this story about something that happened to me two weeks ago, I feel that I need to start it with a similar event that happened to me almost 30 years ago. (ouch!)
I was about 18 years old and traveling from Salt Lake City Utah to Pekin Illinois in a "66 Ford Econoline Van. Every thing I owned at that time was in that van. Guitars, Amps, record albums, clothes, and an Afghan Hound named Burt.
Somewhere around Nebraska or Iowa I broke down. Mechanically and mentally. The bearings on the drivers side front wheel melted fusing it into a smoking mess of hot metal. The wheel fell off.
I have never felt as lost as I did then.
I was in the middle of nowhere with nothing but corn as far as the eye could see. Me with long hair, wearing bell bottoms jeans and a vest with a big marijuana leaf embroidered on the back. I had a long haired hippy looking dog, no money, no experience, and no clue.
I cried.
I remember asking Burt what I was going to do. He was clueless and careless.
The important details here are a little foggy. (it was the 70's, ya dig?)
Suffice to say that somehow with the help of a local farmer with welding skills and a kind heart, I got back on the road. I remember him saying that he would hope that someone would help one of his kids if they were in trouble far from home.
Eventually, after two more minor breakdowns,one of them mechanical, I made it to my destination. I don't know how but I made it. You can not begin to imagine the deluge of relief that that flooded my being.
I went thru so much stress those few days that, even then, I knew nothing could ever be as bad as that. Now, whenever I ever break down I am always thankful that at least I'm in my own town, or my own state, or whatever. I can always imagine how much worse it could have been. I can always find a way to put it into perspective.
Deja vu.
A couple weeks ago while taking a short cut to Michigan from Maine through Canada, I break down.
It's Sunday morning, around 2 a.m. my head lights started fading. At first I thought it was the rain storm making it look that way, but then the sputting began and I limped half way up an exit ramp and on to the shoulder of the road just as everything died. Using my limited automotive skills I cleaned up my battery terminals hoping for a simple remedy. That may or may not have helped. I got about a half mile further to a gas station where at least there was light. Then it went completely dead.
I'm in the middle of nowhere, in the dark, in the rain, with a cat named Cayo, and no clue.
hmmm, I've been here before.
Fortunately, this time I have a cell phone and call AAA. (that's CAA in Canada, eh?)
I get towed to a garage that conveniently will be open on Sunday, and I wait.
I wait a long time. The thunder storm continues and I wait.
Talking to my Cayo, I apologize for putting her thru this, because I know she has no idea why we are just sitting in the truck for so long. I also praise her for her patience. She was very calming.
The garage opened at 10:00 and I gave them my sad story of being stranded in a strange land, waiting for 8 hours in the rain with my cat, while trying to get home to see my mother, and to top it off, it's my birthday! (it really was!)
Two and a half hours (and $500) later, I had a new alternator and battery and was on the road again. At this point I've been awake for 30 hours and still have another 7 hours of driving left. I should have been there by now. Oh well.
Keep On Truckin'!
It could have been a lot worse. That was the last exit for a long time and had I broke down a mile further down the road, I don't know where I would've ended up. I definitely wouldn't have been able to tell the tow truck driver where to find me. Then, to actually have parts and service on a Sunday was a miracle.
As bad as it was, I've been thru worse.
I've paid my dues and it don't pay to panic!
This time the breakdown was strictly mechanical.
It's all easy to laugh at now that I'm home again.
Back in Maine.
Safe on Planet Dandy.
Some Birthday, eh?
I was about 18 years old and traveling from Salt Lake City Utah to Pekin Illinois in a "66 Ford Econoline Van. Every thing I owned at that time was in that van. Guitars, Amps, record albums, clothes, and an Afghan Hound named Burt.
Somewhere around Nebraska or Iowa I broke down. Mechanically and mentally. The bearings on the drivers side front wheel melted fusing it into a smoking mess of hot metal. The wheel fell off.
I have never felt as lost as I did then.
I was in the middle of nowhere with nothing but corn as far as the eye could see. Me with long hair, wearing bell bottoms jeans and a vest with a big marijuana leaf embroidered on the back. I had a long haired hippy looking dog, no money, no experience, and no clue.
I cried.
I remember asking Burt what I was going to do. He was clueless and careless.
The important details here are a little foggy. (it was the 70's, ya dig?)
Suffice to say that somehow with the help of a local farmer with welding skills and a kind heart, I got back on the road. I remember him saying that he would hope that someone would help one of his kids if they were in trouble far from home.
Eventually, after two more minor breakdowns,one of them mechanical, I made it to my destination. I don't know how but I made it. You can not begin to imagine the deluge of relief that that flooded my being.
I went thru so much stress those few days that, even then, I knew nothing could ever be as bad as that. Now, whenever I ever break down I am always thankful that at least I'm in my own town, or my own state, or whatever. I can always imagine how much worse it could have been. I can always find a way to put it into perspective.
Deja vu.
A couple weeks ago while taking a short cut to Michigan from Maine through Canada, I break down.
It's Sunday morning, around 2 a.m. my head lights started fading. At first I thought it was the rain storm making it look that way, but then the sputting began and I limped half way up an exit ramp and on to the shoulder of the road just as everything died. Using my limited automotive skills I cleaned up my battery terminals hoping for a simple remedy. That may or may not have helped. I got about a half mile further to a gas station where at least there was light. Then it went completely dead.
I'm in the middle of nowhere, in the dark, in the rain, with a cat named Cayo, and no clue.
hmmm, I've been here before.
Fortunately, this time I have a cell phone and call AAA. (that's CAA in Canada, eh?)
I get towed to a garage that conveniently will be open on Sunday, and I wait.
I wait a long time. The thunder storm continues and I wait.
Talking to my Cayo, I apologize for putting her thru this, because I know she has no idea why we are just sitting in the truck for so long. I also praise her for her patience. She was very calming.
The garage opened at 10:00 and I gave them my sad story of being stranded in a strange land, waiting for 8 hours in the rain with my cat, while trying to get home to see my mother, and to top it off, it's my birthday! (it really was!)
Two and a half hours (and $500) later, I had a new alternator and battery and was on the road again. At this point I've been awake for 30 hours and still have another 7 hours of driving left. I should have been there by now. Oh well.
Keep On Truckin'!
It could have been a lot worse. That was the last exit for a long time and had I broke down a mile further down the road, I don't know where I would've ended up. I definitely wouldn't have been able to tell the tow truck driver where to find me. Then, to actually have parts and service on a Sunday was a miracle.
As bad as it was, I've been thru worse.
I've paid my dues and it don't pay to panic!
This time the breakdown was strictly mechanical.
It's all easy to laugh at now that I'm home again.
Back in Maine.
Safe on Planet Dandy.
Some Birthday, eh?
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