Somewhere Over the Wood Stove

It's Easter.

I cooked a ham and some sweet potatoes.

I did it all on my wood stove.

I Thought it would be a good day to drink wine as well.

Being the lover of a good theme day, I watched The Last Temptation of Christ and The Passion of the Christ.

My perennial favorite for Easter is Life of Brian, but it was not available this year.

I didn't do anything with eggs today.

I didn't color, look for, or cook eggs today.

In fact, I completely skipped breakfast and went straight for Mamosas!

Is there a point to all of this, you ask?

No, should there be, say I?

Remember,

I had wine for breakfast so

a sudden change in topic should be of no surprise either.

Did you ever just suddenly notice that your hair is longer?

I mean, it grows the same every day.

Then suddenly one day you look in the mirror and say,

"Holy Shit! My hair is longer!"

It's like in The Wizard of Oz.

When they filmed that, Judy Garlands hair gradually got longer.

Her pony tails were just touching her shoulders when they started filming. Later on they were hanging down to her breasts.

In some places, they had to go back and re shoot parts of the movie and if you watch close, you can see her hair go from short to long in the same scene.

That's what I thought of this morning when I realized that my hair was suddenly down to my nipples.

So...

that was my day.

I watched two crucifixions, Hammed it up, and watched my hair grow.

Now, if I click my slippers together three times...

There's no plate like ham.

There's no plate like ham.

There's no plate like ham.

Double Bubble

I went into the village yesterday as I do every Monday.

That's where I work.

Also, I receive my mail in a post box there.

It's safer than the beat up mail box at the end of my road.

As previously etablished, it's a little over a mile from my castle to the main road and the postal carriers are afraid to travel thru the haunted Forrest.

Hence, the post box in the village.

Now back to the story at hand.

In my post box were two things that would brighten any mood.

My INCOME TAX check

and my tickets to

NINE INCH NAILS!

This was especially good timing as my co-worker was home ill, and Mondays are very busy for two of us.

I dreaded having to go the day without her.

A little bit because we're a good team,

but A LOT because it's fun to be with her!

The day went without disaster though.

I was with full life force!

And with the added energy of the NIN tickets in one pocket, and a heap of cash in the other,

I managed the 10 hour shift without effort.

Well, that's a lie.

It took a lot of effort!

That just sounds more noble and poetic, ha.

But...

I'm not out of the woods yet.

It's Tuesday morning now and time to do it again!

Toil and Trouble!

HURT

I remember the first time a spanking didn't hurt.
Don't get the impression that I was beat, mistreated, or had an unhappy childhood. I wasn't and I didn't.
None the less, corporal punishment was in effect.
Now, there are two things that can be as bad as a good whipping.
The first is waiting in the wood shed till ,"Your father gets home!"
The second is seeing him walk towards you "cracking" his belt.

(cracking the belt is where you fold a leather belt in half, then holding each end firmly you make a loud cracking noise by pushing the two ends together and quickly pulling them away from each other.)
"CRACK!"
So, anyway...
I did the "waiting", suffered the "cracking" and was ready to receive my punishment.
The crime was for having been moved to another desk in school because of talking in class.
(I know, how dare I.)
Down came the belt.
Then again.
And again, and again.
I don't remember how many times.
What I do remember is that it didn't hurt.
WOW!
(Should I tell him?)
I felt like I had received some super power that protected me from pain in the lower extremity.
I think I smiled.
I also remember thinking that maybe I should fake pain to conceal my new power.
I would have to fain suffering, and be believably regretful.
I mustn't let my secret out.
From here on, I thought to myself, life is going to be smooth sailing!
I can do anything!
(Oh, don't worry. I didn't turn into a super villain or anything. They were already working on new forms of punishment to keep me honest.)
But that was the last time it hurt.

A funny thing though...

Later that day he apologized, saying he found out that it was another kids fault, not mine, and why didn't I say something in my defense?

(Because, I thought I was getting the belt for something else that I did do!)

Still, I kept my secrets.

Now...

How to get out of being grounded?

STARFUCKERS, INC.

I remember a time when a person actually had to stand in line overnight to get tickets to a Rock Concert!
Today, I sat at a computer and counted down the seconds to 5:00 p.m. when Nine Inch Nails tickets would go on sale.
I signed into my Ticketmaster account to save valuable time and then, with sweaty hands, watched the clock tick down, waiting for the "Now On Sale" to appear.
3...2...1...
It was my strategy to buy two tickets for the Thursday show, then snatch up two tickets to the Friday show, both taking place in Boston on May 12th and 13th.
What happened was, during the five minutes it took to buy the Thursday tickets, the Friday show had sold out already!
In fact, every show in the country went on sale at the same time and sold out in minutes!
Broken...
At first I was annoyed, because I really wanted to see both shows.
Hey, I'm greedy, ok?
I mean, if I'm driving all the way to Boston to see a the hottest band in the world, a band that only tours about once every five years...
Well...#$%@!!!
I'm getting myself worked up again, so let me just sum this up with a positive note.
At 5:oo this afternoon Nine Inch Nails tickets went on sale across the country, and within 10 minutes, all shows were sold out!
At this very minute Nine Inch Nails tickets are being offered on eBay for as much as $600.00!
I am happy (and lucky) to have two tickets.
A lot of fans are going to miss out on the tour of the year.
A lot of fans are going to pay scalpers a lot to be there.
Me?
I'm going to see Nine Inch Nails in Boston!
I paid 30 Bucks per ticket...
and I didn't have to stand in line.
...Fixed!